Kids lie. What else is new, am I right?
But instead of just stating the obvious, the thing that irks me, though, is that they lie about such stupid things. If it were a teenager who got home way past curfew and told a lie because they didn’t want to get grounded, I’d understand the reason behind lying. But why does a 6-year-old say they brushed their teeth when they didn’t? It’s not like you won’t see the brush is dry as a bone and catch them lying.
So, why does it happen and why does it happen all the freakin’ time? Are we all bad parents? Are our kids bad? Is there something in the water we drink?
No, no, and definitely no. In short, lying is normal for little kids. If you want the long version of this, then read on.
Kids Mostly Lie to Protect Their Feelings, Not Their Secrets
So, your kid lied about washing their hands for the 10th time today, and you’re wondering what’s wrong with them? Well, probably nothing.
Let me explain. Say your friend had a birthday yesterday and you completely forgot about it.
What do you do?
Do you announce it to the world or think of an excuse as to why you forgot that still makes you look like a good friend? If you’re like 99% of the people, you’ll choose the second option. It’s not a big deal; why embarrass yourself if a white lie could get you out?
Kids are the same; only their feelings are a lot bigger than yours, and they’re not very good at managing their emotions. And by ‘not very good’ I mean ‘horrible’.
So, when they say they put their dirty clothes in the hamper but didn’t, it’s not like they have some secret about the laundry that they want to keep. They just don’t want to be embarrassed when they say they forgot. So what ends up happening is the lie they tell you basically comes out on autopilot. This has to do with their little brains protecting them from taking risks.
Being embarrassed feels too much to them.
You’ll notice this a lot more with little kids because they truly live in the present moment. You know, the way you and I try to. Well, they’ve mastered it.
And because they only care about what happens right now, they’ll lie because it’s the easy way out. Anything that happens later on when you find out about the lie is a problem for their future self; they don’t bother with it now.
With that being said, there’s really no need to panic. A lie or two doesn’t mean they’re training to be better at it, nor does it mean they’re trying to be sneaky, nor does it mean that you’re raising a future psychopath – no. It’s none of these things. What this all means is that telling the truth, for them and at this very moment, doesn’t feel safe. That’s the root of the problem. Dig there. Work on THAT.
Think about yourself – the adult – and when do you lie? When you feel uncomfortable with the truth, when you feel embarrassed or scared, right? Now put yourself in those small/tiny shoes for a moment. It’s the same for them, but they really can’t handle this very well. Kids are nowhere near the emotional and intellectual level of an adult.
Of course, I don’t mean lying about their homework right now. They might be lying because they’re afraid of getting punished, or they worry that you won’t believe them.
All of this reminds me of a friend I have in the States. Michigan, to be exact. Her little neighbor was being abused by a priest, and the little guy kept quiet about it for way too long. When his parents found out, they researched Michigan abuse claim lawyers and took the case to court. What I’m trying to say is that watch out for the behavior behind the lie. If they seem like they’re hiding something and you also see changes in their behavior, there might be something more there.
Don’t be afraid to dig a little.
How to Make It Easier for Your Kid to Tell the Truth
Okay, so now you know lying is normal, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get on your nerves. Trust me, I know. Been there, done that. Still doing that, actually. Your first reaction to an obvious lie might be to lose your mind, but that’s a mistake. 
This will (almost always) backfire because yelling at a kid won’t make them want to be more honest. On the contrary, they’ll lie even more; they’ll just get better at it. So, keep your cool when you catch them in a lie because that way, they can see that the truth didn’t land them in trouble.
Next time, it’ll be a little less terrifying to tell the truth, so that’s a win right there.
One more thing I want to mention is that it’s not the same to tell your kid they made a mistake and call them a liar. What I mean by this is that you should focus on what happened instead of how ‘bad’ they were.
And let’s not forget that kids are little sponges who see what we do and then copy that. If you own up to your mistakes and apologize, kids see that this is how they should behave, too.
Conclusion
Hopefully, you weren’t expecting a block of text describing how to discipline your 5-year-old, because if you did, then you didn’t like anything I wrote.
But whether you liked it or not, this is how things are, and lying is part of growing up. Handling truth and everything that comes with it is growth, so maybe that can make you look at lying as something that every kid does.
At the end of the day, if your child thinks that making a mistake will lead to guidance instead of punishment and shame, they have no reason to lie.
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