Getting the Spice Back into Your Relationship

Having kids is one of life’s best gifts. But let’s face it, the presence of small people can play havoc with your romantic life. Whether it’s lack of sleep, lack of time, or lack of willingness, often couples suffer from a ‘love-life slump’ after having children.  The good news is that this can be turned around.

Why it matters

First of all, take comfort in the fact that this is normal. Commonplace, in fact! Plenty of couple go through the same thing, and most come out the other side unscathed. This is even the case when negative emotions are involved; for example, frustration or resentment.

However, while it may be common, it’s important not to ignore the matter. Romance and intimacy are what brought you together in the first place, so it’s vital to reignite those feelings, to ensure that your relationship becomes stronger than ever.

Intimacy doesn’t always equal sex

If you’re suffering from a serious lack of libido (exhaustion and hormones can do that), accept that this is a stage you’re going through. Romance shouldn’t always focus on sex; it’s about forging a meaningful connection and enjoying one another’s company. Now is not a time for the toys, masturbators and the like!!!  However if that is something which could help don’t rule it out – im not an expert here but this page will give you more information. 

If you feel like this, it is a good idea to talk openly about it, though. Lack of communication can leave your partner feeling undesirable or unwanted, and they could probably do with some reassurance.

How to get the va-va-voom back

There are a variety of ways you can inject some romance into your relationship. These include:

• Spending an evening together (away from the kids). It’s good to have an evening that’s completely child-free. Do what you used to do together; whether that’s going to the cinema, watching a band play, or simply going down the pub. Take the time to dress up for it too; which includes splashing on your favourite scent.
• Working on your self-confidence. If your self-confidence has taken a dip after having kids (Again, this is common), think about how you can feel good about yourself again. A new haircut might make you feel better, or if you’re concerned about your figure, take up a new form of exercise, like running or swimming. Let your partner know how you’re feeling too – they may be able to help.
• Making life ‘fun’ again. Don’t spend all evening tidying the house or preparing the kids’ lunch boxes for the week. Those things can wait. Instead, pour yourself a glass of wine and chat to your partner. These little moments of reconnection make a big difference. 
• Get physical. This could be anything; from holding hands while you’re out for a walk, to giving your partner a cuddle if they’ve had a rough day at work. Physical contact is a great way to feel connected to someone, even if it’s only a tiny touch on the arm or a pat on the back! Eye contact is also valuable.

 

Note: This is a collaborative post